Archive for the ‘Bad day’ Category

I’m coming back to add a most excellent Halloween image, but that’s all.  I had my very own series of unfortunate events yesterday, and I finally had to give up on trying to post.  I was having issues with my internet at home, so I started using my wifi Hotspot on my iPhone, and lo and behold it bit the dust … apparently that iOS 8.whatever update fried my phone just like it has a bunch of other folks’.  I tried two different local haunts, but they were so crowded, that the wifi was worthless with all of those devices eating up the bandwidth. so I finally gave up, and came home to go to bed.  I was even late getting my first discussion question turned in in my new class, but sometimes, there just isn’t anything that you can do … plans A, B, C, AND D went south, and I didn’t have a plan E.  I suppose that I could have kept trying, but I was still running around at 1:00am trying to find a viable connection, and I was too tired to continue the hunt.  Even if I lost ALL of the points on this discussion, it’s only 18 out of 1000 overall points, so it wouldn’t kill me, but I’m guessing that I will lose only 2 or 3.

New post coming up soon for tonight now that I’m reconnected to the interwebz 🙂

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Not Exactly a Great Ending …

I have a teenage daughter. Since arriving home from work, she has been complaining, rude, inconsiderate, verbally abusive, argumentative, selfish, manipulative, unreasonable, insulting, and downright mean.

Par for the course, I suppose, but I can find little motivation to write because of how I feel in the aftermath of the storm.

In relation to school, I did use my lunch break to get a smaller assignment completed today, and I got started on my paper due on Wednesday. That, and I survived a verbal onslaught from my daughter – now to sleep …

When mothers and teenage daughters collide ... worlds will crumble ...

When mothers and teenage daughters collide … worlds will crumble …

I have had trouble sleeping all week, so I am going to bed early tonight. Tomorrow will be filled with assignments and grocery shopping, and I need to be ready to tackle those activities.

I do ♥ the weekend for giving me that extra time to rest and destress 🙂

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Today finds me with a heavy heart over the dark and senseless attacks that took place 13 years ago. It’s what made me choose this photo. I was looking for something to share this morning that would express my inner feelings about the anniversary of our collective tragedy when I ran across this photo from several years ago. The photo is dark and senseless … it has no true focus, and conveys nothing meaningful … just like the attacks in NYC on Tuesday the 11th of September in the year 2001. I remember the day, I remember hearing the news in my car on my way to work and thinking that someone was presenting a review of part of a Tom Clancy novel … but it was real, and I pulled over when I realized because I was so shocked that I couldn’t drive for a few minutes.

I arrived at work only to turn around again to go get my children, but the schools weren’t releasing the children Oak Ridge was considered a target – a no fly zone was established, and they told me that my children were safer in their shelter than with me … but I couldn’t come in with them either … there wasn’t enough room for all of the parents. Crazy – it was craziness, and I was angry and sad and freaked out, and I went home and watched the second plane hit, and I watched the second tower crumble, and then the first, and I cried for the desperate souls who leapt or fell to their deaths as the debris and then towers came down on top of them, and I wept for the man who made it from the 81st floor miraculously protected in the stairwell as the building collapsed above and around him, and I cried because I was scared they would come here after the Pentagon, and I hugged myself and rocked and held my hands over my mouth in disbelief while the story of those amazing passengers on Flight 93 who saved D.C. was broadcast, and I wanted my babies with me, but I wanted them safe too, and it still makes me cry when I think about it … really remember rather than just skimming past the horror of that day … and what was gained by the perpetrators that day???

Nothing but darkness and the senseless, wanton destruction of little babies and toddlers and daughters and sons and brothers and sisters and moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas while gaining NOTHING … absolutely NOTHING … no concessions, no freed prisoners, no mass conversion to Islam, no prestige, no power, no new country, no new government, no honor, no glory, no salvation, not even notoriety beyond a single individual – be honest here – do you remember a single one of the terrorists’ names? … it was worthless … just like this picture … dark, meaningless, without focus … worthless. And when we say we will never forget … we mean that we will never forget the poor souls who lost their lives, or those who tried to save them, or those who lost their lives while trying to save them, or those who lost their lives later due to lung diseases contracted while working to rescue survivors, because we celebrate the heroes of the day and leave the perpetrators to their faceless, nameless oblivion …

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#wewillneverforget #september11th #nineeleven #worldtradecenter

She Will be Well and Truly Missed.

My friend and coworker passed away today.  Last night really, but I don’t know the exact time … it doesn’t matter.  Today was a sad day with her office standing open yet dark … like the hearts of everyone at work … torn open, wounded, bereft, dark.

It started last year when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  It was in October and stage 3 if I remember correctly.  She underwent surgery in November, and continued with chemotherapy treatments up until a few weeks ago.  She was given a clean bill of health in March, and was able to work longer and longer hours as the months went by until she was finally back full-time in the last six to eight weeks.  I was happy – WE as a group were happy – we were whole.

Then came the appointment in the first week of August.

The appointment was on the 7th or 8th, and when she didn’t return Monday it wasn’t unusual as she felt puny sometimes and had to stay home.  Tuesday. Wednesday.  I asked around, and folks thought she would be back soon. Thursday. Friday.  Surely whatever treatment she had received, or whatever was ailing her would have passed after a week, and so I hoped that she was able to rest up, and looked forward to seeing her on Monday.  Then Tuesday I asked around again, and folks started asking me, but I didn’t know and couldn’t fathom anything serious … she had been cured, damnit!!!  Wednesday.  I asked two friends at work if they could send our sick friend’s address to another mutual friend who wanted to send a card, and while both acknowledged having the address, my mention of a card was met with crickets and I began to suspect what I think these two already suspected.

Thursday.  A friend at work who had been asked to keep the news close to her chest finally took pity on me and let me know that the cancer was back – that it was terminal, and we cried, but I still never dreamed …

Friday.  I found out that she probably wouldn’t be back to work, but I still thought that I would see her … still would get a chance to let her know how wonderful I think she is, and how important she has been in my life, what a wonderful example of “how to be” she is, and let her know that I love her and I will miss her dearly … I wanted to tell her that when I see signs that say, “Be the change you want to see in the world” that I think of her.

Monday, yesterday, I found out that she had been admitted at some point into ICU, and that her family was being called in to be with her at the end … at the end … at the end of her time with us, and I left and I drove around and I sat in the back of a grocery store parking lot, and I wept.  I came back, and I cried at my desk, and my other friends at work cried, and we worked to keep our minds occupied as we waited for word.  I asked if we were able to see her, but only family was permitted at that time, and so my message would go unsaid.  Her best friend said that she was in contact with her husband, and so I asked her to ask him to please tell her that I love her, and that I am sending a hug … a final hug … a virtual hug … a virtual bear hug for the unbearable speed through which she had to walk the path to acceptance …

I cried while I drove around at lunch … on the way home … in the restroom … whenever I met someone’s eye who was also sitting vigil in our strange New World way as we conducted our modern version of wailing and gnashing of teeth … I cried myself to sleep.

This morning I was told upon arrival that she was gone.  She who a mere 18 days earlier had cheerfully tackled her duties and chatted with passers-by through a full workday.  She who not two months ago ran a 5k with her husband … in the blink of an eye, her sweet, smart, kind, witty, snarky, patient, classy, silly, gentle, generous self is with us no more – ever.

And so I cried some more, and I put on a hat for the day to honor her memory, and I hugged friends, and friends hugged me, and we worked … together in our grief we carried on with our responsibilities because she would be furious with us if we did otherwise.

And I cried some more throughout the day – I’m crying now – I’m crying for my loss, and for her best friend who’s also my friend and now bereft, and for all of her other friends, and for her family, and  … and most especially for her … for how frightened she must have been to find out that she had so little time, for how happy she would have been that her family was able to gather with her, for how worried she was about how she was leaving things undone that were her responsibility, for how I know that she was more worried about others than herself to very last moment of her life, and then I cried a bit more for me because I was not ready to say goodbye.

I now know why …

Posted: 2014-08-25 in Bad day
Tags: , , ,

… I was so exhausted yesterday … I was coming down with something that feels like the flu. I am yucky ill with a fever, aches, and pains 😦 I got my second discussion question in at lunch before this monster hit me, but I’m afraid the response that I had planned will have to wait until tomorrow. I am going to see if I can find a cute picture of a miserably ill person, and that will be the extent of my post today … more tomorrow 🙂

No joy on the image … it’s taking too long to find a free one … good night 🙂